Desperate times call for desperate measures. It is no different for career loopers who are not lucky enough to have a top player. Our Swiss cheese schedule makes it difficult for some to make ends meet so work that would be normally eschewed, is accepted at every opportunity. I would like to share the following email with you to illustrate my point. By no means do I share the same views with the company mentioned. In fact, I shop there many, many times during the year. To each his own.
Another gem from “The Caddie Chronicles”
I hope this finds you all well. This is just a tiny look into my new winter life as a Walmart employee. YES, that is correct, I am working for one of the worst things to ever happen to America!!
Allow me to paint the picture first. I, Anonymous, am broke! Duh! So I signed up for one of those temporary agencies and was hired the same day to do a to six week seasonal job at Walmart. Wait, it gets better. BTW I just finished my 2nd work day moments ago so I am writing this to not forget all the joy this job brings.
I am still a bit confused on when and what I actually do but this much I know, I will be working from 3pm until midnight, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday and one more week day which I will assume is Wednesday. My work assignment is in the heart of the ghetto (I was told a year or two ago, two employees went at each other with box cutters but that could just be an urban myth). Every time I hear clean up on aisle six, I cant help think another fight just got ugly. I will tell you that I am one of the OLDEST temp employees they have. I am definitely one of the whitest. Now, I don’t really have much of a problem with that because broke is broke.
Even though this was only my second day, I noticed I have an advantage with my pale exterior along with many disadvantages. My biggest advantage is that my superiors all assume I am a regular employee and never really ask anything of me. I normally work very hard in jobs like this so the time usually flies by (which it doesn’t here) so I am constantly wandering around the store looking for someone to tell me what to do. I am sure many of you could do that! The other people I work with either know each other or since they are all about twenty-something, they talk and joke which is fine. I’m too old I guess and no one really wants to talk much with me. Yesterday, (my 1st evening) my crew was assigned to the lawn and garden center to transform it into the Christmas palace. We took pallets full of X-mas crap, made everyplace but the US, and opened them up and put them on the shelves we had set up that afternoon. The guys I worked with were nice enough but I assume have never been in any type of store before. They felt it was ok to put up anything, anywhere, anyway. Now, I didn’t want to come on like the “old white know it all guy” so at first I played dumb (like that’s a stretch). After awhile, after moving the same stuff to different places, I decided to speak up. I tried making it seem like it was a group thing so it went ok, but sheesh! The US is full of some of the dumbest human beings ever made.
I will say that I haven’t lifted that kind of heavy box stuff in a very long time but I continued to do it quickly because everyone else seemed ok with just standing around. It was too boring. So you can imagine this morning I was very sore and tired.
Something else I had forgotten about was the mandatory 1 hr off for lunch, meaning I get to spend nine hours there each day while getting paid for eight. Lunch is unbearably dull.
At 5:30pm we all had to go to a store meeting where the “real white guys” tell everyone what "great deals" are coming up for “Black Friday" (crap like a 115 inch TV for $352 or some thing like that) and then after the three head white guys make inside jokes to each other about how great Walmart is, we have to do this group clap and Walmart chant thing. I had never seen that before (I could be killed if this information gets out) and refused to take part. Remember, you didn’t hear this from me. It seemed like it was out of a “made for TV” movie about cults. It was this shout and response thing like, Gimme a W, Gimme an A, Gimme an L, blah, blah, blah. What’s that spell? Who’s #1? All the while you clap in unison.
I so wished I was religious and could bring up the false idol commandment thingy to get out of it. Today, I never went to that thing. I guess they do it every shift. Amazing what they want from you for $8.80 per hour. I told one guy I don’t chant like that in church so I wont be doing that here.
One of the disadvantages to being so unique is that since I am wearing my name badge so people keep coming up to me asking where stuff is. I HAVE NO IDEA? Hell, I haven’t spent more than one hour of my entire life inside all the Walmarts combined and now someone is asking me where the Velveeta cheese logs are while I’m standing in the greeting card aisle. Unlike many other people, I will either walk them around or will try to find someone who knows. People normally get frustrated by then and leave since there never is anyone around. Oh, the people that shop at this particular store are not the upper crust of society. Many are HUGE and use the shopping cart to rest parts of their body on as they glide thru the store. An amazing number of shoppers seem to limp. What’s with that? English in non existent and their carts are full of children, and I mean full. Maybe Walmart sells children? I just don’t know which aisle they are in…yet!
My very first job yesterday was to look for a missing two year old. Not sure if she was ever found BTW. Today, two people asked me where they could find the paper, that you hang from your ceiling, that you twist. I didn’t know that was an item we sold so I went with them to places I thought it might be. Twisting sections? Ceiling paper sections? At first we had no luck but then I stumbled upon something called Crepe paper. DUH! She said she wanted to hide her ceiling. I don’t want to say anything bad about them but… I was wondering who was going to put that paper up? Couldn’t they just as easily throw food on the floor. Who would notice the ceiling then? They were amazed I found it. BTW, (secret) I went to the cards and birthday area.
Another thing, I have been there two days and I have yet to meet my supervisor. When we come in I go to an office area sign-in and put my time down all at once. Today, I took advantage of this by leaving at 11 and not midnight because no one was going to question me as I walked out with the others (he’s old, he must be leaving now). I am racked with guilt so I wont do that again FYI.
Today, myself and a young Hispanic gentleman, I would tell you his name but I could not pronounce it, were assigned to take what was left of the Christmas crap and put it up in the boxes it was shipped in. The most upper shelf of the lawn and garden/Christmas palace center would be the final destination. Again, when you look at a shelf, you will notice that similar or identical items are placed directly with, or next to, those same items. This I believe is so when someone wants that item, BAM! There it is, or is not. My co-worker had a difficult time grasping that concept. As I handed him some heavy boxes of crap, he would put one to his left, one to his right, sideways, long ways upside down and behind him. Finally, I tried to show him, without preaching, how it should go. Didn’t turn out perfect but it worked out. It also took him a long time to pick up on the fact that I would struggle handing him some 40 pound boxes while going up the ladder and that a little help would be nice. He finally got it, as I nearly tipped the ladder over, almost falling to my doom. Made him chuckle.
The guy who showed us what to do yesterday and the first part of today seemed very surprised I returned. He kept telling me that I was doing a great job and that’s what Walmart looks for in hiring full timers, and to stick with it. He was sure I would get hired (so I have that going for me). Who knows, maybe $9.38 isn’t too far behind!! Hope I don’t jinx it.
We did that for a while until I as fed up waiting for my co worker to decide what box went where. After that, I took charge. Busted through it and was done. Some guy comes back and asks us how much more we had left. Six guys all stare at him and I say almost done. He asks if anyone would help him? Again, after the 15 second staring contest, I volunteered and bolted away from my buddies and was sent to the meat department to help there.
Well, when I get there I was informed I wasn’t needed, so back I go looking for that guy to tell me where to go now. He sends me to the produce guy who says he doesn’t want my help but reluctantly takes me. He shows me how to stock the produce area. He was an ok guy. It’s not big time science but much easier than pushing 40 pound boxes up 10 feet while balanced on a ladder.
It’s now about 7pm and the store had lots of grocery shoppers. I helped a Korean guy find bread that was cut into squares! Then helped a woman, in seven inch heels, find the Tapia family bag and a man wanted to know where to find AA batteries. At 8:30 I took lunch. Thank god for that delicious McDonalds. Forty-five minutes later, being bored, I went back to work.
The produce guy was done so I did three laps until I found a different guy who said he had a lot of temps to look after. Told me to just go ahead and push a cart around and take the stuff that wasn’t in the right aisles, put it in the cart and take it to customer service. They would handle it from there.
It is amazing how much food is stolen here. I’m finding half-empty bags of everything everywhere. Pulled products to the front of the shelves and straightened up (people are pigs). Did that for about forty-five minutes and did it well might I add. Then another lap later and I was talking to that same in charge guy and he told me to just keep doing that because he had to keep his eye on the temps. OK. That’s when I figured out that I could do what ever I wanted to as no one was going to think any different of me. Half of them think I am some kind of boss so they want nothing to do with me and the other half could care less. Since I do not understand Spanish, I am unsure what the third half thinks about me but I have a pretty good idea. I will say there are a boat-load of people that work here. Not sure if they all make the big money I make though.
My thoughts right now are to work the next two days at the very least and see how I feel. As long as I have something to do the job is ok for a few weeks. If this was my life, I would be having second thoughts about my life! Wait a minute damn it, this is my life!!! I’m also supposed to start a four week UPS thingy during the day, which seems somewhat interesting, but they don’t seem too excited about getting me started, and they don’t promise even 20 hrs a week, BUT that baby pays $9 per hour not a lowly $8.80
I have a ton of trepidation about next week. I am sure they want me to work Thanksgiving. We also have tickets to see some play next Saturday that I would have to eat and I have NEVER been in, around or even out during the Friday after Thanksgiving buying orgy. It just sickens me to even think about it. On top of that, I am ready to snap because of the same CHRISTMAS music I have endured already. ENOUGH! I think its the same songs they played when they got Marcos out of the Philippines. I guess when you don’t have much, Walmart is there for you but damn, this country is doomed. We are imbeciles and no damn Muslim is going to take that away from me. If you’ve never been in a Walmart, you have to go to see what I am talking about, and now, I work there.
Gimme a W – Gimme an A – Gimme an L – Gimme an M – Gimme an A – Gimme an R – Gimme a T – what’s that spell? Walmart! Who’s #1? Walmart! YOU RE BEING ASSIMILATED! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!
$8.80 per hour. I guess its better than selling sperm? (I think they have half gallon jugs, made in Egypt, on aisle 12. Three per family ONLY). Sheesh!
On a funny note, I have been to the Capital, the home town of Walmart. Yup, Rogers Arkansas. I bet not many in that store can ever say that! Got laid there too. Once in a car and four times in bed!!!
Be safe and enjoy your lives because according to the Mayans, it will all be over very soon.