Happy Festivus Everyone!
Twas The Night Before Festivus by Larry Smich
Twas the night before Festivus, when all through the house
Not a critter was stirring, not even a louse.
The stockings lay under the pole with care,
In hopes that grievances, would soon fill the air.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While feats of strength visions, danced in their heads.
And mamma in rollers, and I in my visor,
The blinds shut tight with no one the wiser.
When from the next room there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
It could be a burglar or even worse, white trash,
To steady my nerves, I toked on some hash.
With ball bat in hand I gave it a peek,
But to my surprise, it wasn’t a freak.
It was Saint Nicholas, through the dryer vent he came,
Covered with lint, boy, that was lame.
By the scowl on his face, I knew Santa was dissed.
The ire in his eye confirmed he was pissed.
”No tree or presents or cookies? “ he said,
”So sorry Santa, rumor has it, you’re dead.”
“No Christmas for us, they say it’s passé,
We do something different, a new Holiday.
I saw it on Seinfeld, in our hearts we keep Festivus,
You know how it is, a day for the rest of us.”
“Festivus is in, Christmas passé?
An aluminum pole? No how, no way!
Here are the presents you’re not going to get,
No candy canes either, on that you can bet.”
Out the vent he departed and on to his sleigh,
”Now Dasher! Now Dancer! “ and oh, by the way.
The last thing he uttered whilst bidding ado,
Albeit faint, I swear, he said “Screw you!”